When it comes to judging your behavior at school/ sports/ work, ask:
Was I fair?
Was I kind?
Did I put in the work?
If the answers are all “Yes,” then rest well.
If an answer is “No,” then fix it.
Listen to books of love letters. I forget the title but one of the Bush twins wrote a book about her grandparents (George and Barbara). Stories about real love, real life. Fiction is great too but having a real world examples of happy partnerships is gold.
When you meet someone for the first time try to clear your mind of any assumptions about physical appearance. Race, gender, age, handicap/disability, etc.
There are all kinds of ways people end up destroying their lives in an attempt to cope with fear, loneliness, stress, grief, boredom or anxiety, etc.
A few: Drug/alcohol addiction, gambling, shopping/ spending addiction, hoarding, sex addiction, fundamentalism/ extremist politics, workaholics, deadbeats.
Nobody starts out trying to be an addict or a nut. It happens when you continually choose to avoid dealing with the pain or anxiety you’re feeling. Choices become habits. Habits can form addictions.
That’s why it’s SO important to find healthy ways to deal with difficult feelings or situations. What makes you feel better when you’re upset? A shower, a run, music, a game, friends, quiet time, being outdoors ... There are lots of ways to take good care of your spirit. Keep choosing them. Ask for help when you’re not able to make good choices on your own.
Work on controlling temper. Read books about how to reach this at a young age and keep updating the conversation as he grows. He needs to be able to control his temper.
Everyone gets crushes but if you’re having an imaginary relationship do so with an imaginary person. It’s disrespectful of someone’s dignity to obsess over them. Not to mention your own dignity!
Sadness means you need love. (From another person, a pet, yourself.) Someone whose presence brings you comfort. May be dead, living, fictional, historical figure, religious (god, saints, Buddha, etc.) Live and in person is best though. Let someone love you how you need to be loved.
Resource: the website Ask, Listen and Learn has great material about how to start a conversation about the dangers of under-age drinking. asklistenlearn.org
Things are rarely black and white. Most situations (and all people) are complex. A nuanced approach is necessary to understand them. You can’t learn - or love, if you’re judging.