Beware of those forces that aim to pit good people against each other. Injustices hurt our sensibilities- as they should. So instead of bickering about who’s been wronged worse, let’s join hands and fight injustice on every front. If you get caught up in comparisons, everyone loses.
Blessing for the Brokenhearted: Poem by Jan Richardson
___________
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
– Henry David Thoreau
________________________
________________________
Let us agree
for now
that we will not say
the breaking
makes us stronger
or that it is better
to have this pain
than to have done
without this love.
__________Let us promise
we will not
tell ourselves
time will heal
the wound,
when every day
our waking
opens it anew.
___________Perhaps for now
it can be enough
to simply marvel
at the mystery
of how a heart
so broken
can go on beating,
as if it were made
for precisely this—
as if it knows
the only cure for love
is more of it,
as if it sees
the heart’s sole remedy
for breaking
is to love still,
as if it trusts
that its own
persistent pulse
is the rhythm
of a blessing
we cannot
begin to fathom
but will save us
nonetheless.
There are things you should not say:
Never comment or ask a woman about her age or weight.
Never comment on how many kids someone has (or doesn’t have.) The size, timing, composition, etc of someone else’s family is not your business to weigh in on. You never know who is struggling with loss or infertility, etc. And if someone announces they are expecting their seventh kid, the only correct response is “Congratulations” “How are you feeling?” etc. Just like you would if it was their first. Never ask someone how much weight they lost. If they’ve lost weight, just say “You look wonderful/amazing/ fantastic, etc.” And of course never comment on anyone having gained weight. Just say “You look wonderful.” And never never never ask someone how much money they earn or how much money they have, or how much they owe or paid for something, etc. People’s finances are personal, and are just not any of your business.
College: you’re gonna do great! You’re also probably gonna want to quit at some point during your first year. Totally normal. If you decide college isn’t for you or now isn’t the right time, okay. But give it a year if you can. You’ll thank yourself later.
If you want to know what a woman wants in a man, I have a simple answer for you: watch the movie Scent of a Woman starring Al Pacino. Specifically, the tango scene.
Jump in and help where help is needed. Don’t wait to be asked. Whether it’s clearing dishes at home or friend’s house or tasks at work. It could be something big like solves problem or little, putting paper in the copy machine at work.
I’m parenting as in most things, staying calm is more than half the battle. Practice keeping your cool in all situations. No yelling blaming freaking out or meanness. Calm rules the day.
Technology doesn’t remove the expectation of good behavior. Be mindful of your manners (and all of our collective humanity) when posting on social media. And no anonymous trolling.
If you’re not prepared to sign your name to what you’re putting out there, that’s a good indication you shouldn’t be doing it.
People always say “Be yourself.” That’s good advice but really what does it mean? I think it’s easier to explain what it DOESN’T mean:
When you’re being yourself you’re not pretending to be interested in something or someone you’re not.
You’re not doing something just to please someone else (or just to tick them off.) You’re not wearing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You’re not pretending to have fun when you’re not having fun. You’re not trying to impress anyone. You’re not trying to fade into the background. You’re not trying to change anything about yourself or someone else.
I think that’s a good start. What does “being yourself” mean to you?
Keep in mind the human tendency (rightly or wrongly) to think “how it ends is how it was”.
Could be a work shift, a class, a relationship, etc. try to end on a good note.
Promise me you’ll never intentionally hurt anyone (including yourself.) There’s no need to suffer in silence, I will help you or get you to someone who can help you no matter what, no matter when, no matter why.
I heard a song today, “I love you to the bone” by Sammy Copley. It’s a beautiful story of a lifelong love. It’s my prayer for you that your spouse will have that song played at your funeral after you shared a 75 year- long happy marriage. It’s my prayer that your life is filled with love and laughter, and most importantly a partner who grows with you in all good things. And that you love each other to the bone.
Never follow an “I love you” with a “but...” Instead, follow it with “and...” or “that’s why...” Remember this when they’re young, teach it to them when they’re older.
Letting go hurts. There's no two ways about it. You just gotta feel it and get through it. Cry. Sweat it out. Sing, run, write, or just scrub floors. You will get through it, and you will be stronger and more compassionate.
We feel best when we create. No amount of food, video games or any self-destructive habits will fill that hole. So why fight it?!? Create something, even if it’s as small as a little sketch or poem. Grow a garden, bake a cake. Start a business! Whatever your beautiful heart desires.