Let it go. They’re going to make really stupid choices. I drank AND smoked in high school. We all go through it. They need to be able to trust you and rely on you. They’re navigating the world and they need a safe harbor. Be that safe harbor. It’s more important than fighting over stupid behavior. Let them know you don’t approve - sure, but fighting over stupid stuff is just going to make you both bitter.


14, 15, 16, 17



Listen to Celebrate Calm podcasts for help dealing with defiance.


4, 9, 15



"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world." - Paul Farmer


15, 21



“Those who cannot change their mind cannot change anything.” -George Bernard Shaw...... As you live and love and learn, your views will evolve. It takes courage to grow.


16



Send thank you acknowledgemnt for gifts received


1-21



1

People are insecure. Be mindful of fragile egos (we all have them to a degree.) Avoid implying that people aren't doing a good job.


20



Bring Christmas cookies to local fire station and police station. (Annually)


7-14



Take out your aggression on inanimate things, never on people or animals.


9



Puberty is like putting a 12 year old in the pilot seat of a fighter jet. A total sh*t show at first, then better but still erratic and dramatic until they really get a feel for the speed and the pressure, the gauges, etc. They’ll learn when to question or to trust their instincts. Tell him that he’ll fly this jet for the rest of his life and it will always be dangerous because it’s an effing jet, but he will learn how to fly it expertly. He’ll do good, have fun, accomplish missions and refuel.


12



You remember experiences, connections. Not stuff. Don’t get too caught up in stuff.


12, 15, 17, 21



Look for glimmers. The opposite of triggers. Feels of elation, belonging, peaceful contentment. I just watched you glimmer as you delighted in your first Crunchbox. “I made this!!!”


12, 15, 19, 21



“You will encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.” -Maya Angelou


17



Kids (and people of all ages) need attention, affection and appreciation. It’s not all they need, but it’s a start!


11



Throw some love at a problem.


12, 15, 21



Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation. (That said, when anyone asks if that outfit makes them look fat, the answer is “you look perfect.”)


20



“Parents detect fake friends. Kids detect fake relatives and friends detect fake love.” - I forget who’s grandma said it.


14



Talk about how choices become habits. Habits can become addictions. Describe how pathways are literally dug into the brain and it's very hard to change them once those paths are made.


13-16



Go as a family to local high school musical productions.


9-13



1

When choosing a partner I think it's less important that you both "believe" the same things and more important that you VALUE the same things and share the same priorities.


20



“Enthusiasm is the answer to everything.” - Rodrigo’s father


15, 21



“Never be sorry for not knowing


17, 21



You gotta play with them. Down on the floor, at the park, in the water, in the snow. Connect through play, it will be the foundation of your relationship.


1-4



Processing an emotion means you’re not acting on it or avoiding it, you’re just with it. I like to picture it as a person and then imagine having a cup of coffee or a beer with it. Hope this helps you. xoxo


13, 16



Love then when they least deserve it because that’s when the need it the most.


3, 13, 17



Go for walks together as a family before or after dinner. Sometimes we go for distance, sometimes we call them "safaris" and look for as many living creatures as we can find.


4



Read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book on creativity. Re-read every few years!


17



Today is not the day to lose your sh*t. Deep breaths, cold water, do your hair. You’re gonna be just fine.


1-21



Dress to people will listen to you, not look at you. (This is especially true at school and work.)


15, 18, 21



Teen years are a whole other ballgame. Find a community and stay up with trends and news. Check out the website Raising Teens Today.


12