“First things first!” It’s a constant struggle to get out of the house or complete a task. Hammer home “first things first!” After they’re dressed (or whatever task) THEN they can have screen time or playtime free-time, etc.


4



Let’s talk about hungry kids. What can we do to help? Donate? Volunteer? Start a Little Free Pantry?


9



1

Do the work. No short-cuts.


14



Find one or two scary documentaries on the dangers of gambling. Watch together. Betting on sports is a big thing in some schools and I want to scare the $@!#% out of him about how bad gambling can screw up his life. Check online tools from gamblers anonymous.


15



My favorite actor was Robin Williams.


19



Not knowing what you’re doing is a lot less terrifying than not knowing who to trust.


14, 19, 21



The opposite of depression is expression.


15



Apollo 13 and The Martian Great movies about space, science, engineering, etc. Watch together.


12



You think you’re smart now but just wait. Your brain is just getting warmed up. Feed it: books, travel, music, mushrooms.


14, 17, 21



Check out Harmonia School on Mill St Music Art Theatre


6



“Never be sorry for not knowing


17, 21



It’s hard to know how to support a friend who is grieving, but it’s a priceless skill / attribute. Some people just are naturally know what to say, but for the rest of us, it can be learned. If you don’t know what to say, just stay silent but be present. Or try something like “I’m so sorry.” Be mindful not to turn away because their pain makes you uncomfortable. Send a text just “thinking of you.” Grief takes a lot of energy and focus, and there’s not much you can (or should) do to help someone process their pain. So lessen their burden by taking some of the stupid everyday life stuff off their plate: Walk the dog, make a meal, make sure there’s food, clean clothes, toilet paper, etc. Help with school or work stuff if possible. Check in often but take your queue from them. Some people want company while others want solitude. Everyone processes pain and grief differently. Don’t force your way on them. Offer to look at pictures or hear stories about the person they lost. This time is about them, so avoid any comparisons with how what they’re going through is similar to something you or someone else went through, unless it was the exact same thing: Telling someone who lost a child that you understand their pain because your grandmother died last year is not okay. People mean well but they say really stupid sh*t sometimes. (If you ever say something that may have caused pain, just acknowledge it, apologize for it, and move on from it.)There are lots of resources. Grief is so isolating. You can’t make their pain go away, but that’s okay. You’re job isn’t to ‘cheer them up’ it’s to ‘keep showing up.’ Read up on current literature, there are tons of great resources.


19



"The only way to work through sh*tty feelings is to walk through sh*tty feelings." - Psychologist Kristen Howe Hard lesson, but big truth.


15



Stupid is as stupid does - it’s not something you “are” it’s something you do.


4, 7, 9, 11, 13, 16, 19, 21



There are all kinds of parenting and mommy blogs with good resources. A quick Google search will get you started.


Infant



Never give unsolicited advice. Instead ask “How can I best support you?”


14, 20



Soap and water go a long way towards fixing many problems.


12, 19



Jump in and help where help is needed. Don’t wait to be asked. Whether it’s clearing dishes at home or friend’s house or tasks at work. It could be something big like solves problem or little, putting paper in the copy machine at work.


15, 18. 21



No absolute restrictions on food but stress that some foods are “party food.” Chips, for example. (I love potato chips!)


4



Anger is the bodyguard of sadness.


12-15, 21



Spread kindness like confetti.


12, 21



Sometimes we outgrow relationships. It’s no one’s fault. It’s okay to move on. You’ve grown…Don’t abandon your healthier self for a relationship.


14, 16,



If you can afford to send flowers when a baby is born or when someone dies, do so.


21



I did my best to guide you, but I’m sure there are many areas where my take is just not aligned with yours. That’s okay! Bunny please don’t feel any obligation to believe what I believe or take any advice, or continue any tradition mentioned in this Coda.


21



When they turn 18 they should have a will, a financial power of attorney and a medical PoA.


17,18



Speak up when it’s called for: Fight injustice, stand up for others, etc. but shut the F up if you’re thinking about offering an unsolicited opinion or advice about anything you’re not personally an expert in.


12, 16



Be protective, never be possessive. watch out for your friends’ well-being, their good names, that’s what friends do. But friends don’t try to manipulate someone’s feelings, thoughts or actions.Same goes for romantic relationships.


10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 18, 21



An exercise in assumption. Have them answer “Just because I _______” doesn’t mean _________”.


10



Change “I need to” to “this matters because”. Instead of “I need to walk the dog” say “it matters that I walk the dog because he needs exercise and to check p-mail.” (Helps!)


8, 11, 16, 21