Most times there isn’t a “right decision.” You make a decision and then it’s up to you to *make* it right.
12, 16, 19, 21
Talk about how choices become habits. Habits can become addictions. Describe how pathways are literally dug into the brain and it's very hard to change them once those paths are made.
13-16
Newborn babies don’t know their tummy hurst because they have to pass gas. They don’t know how to fall asleep when they’re tired. We have to provide all that context and help them learn about themselves. And we have to be patient with them. It’s hard work being a baby!
0, 1, 2
Find one or two scary documentaries on the dangers of gambling. Watch together. Betting on sports is a big thing in some schools and I want to scare the $@!#% out of him about how bad gambling can screw up his life. Check online tools from gamblers anonymous.
15
If you see a kid sitting alone, he or she might be your next best friend. Go say hi! Ask him/her to sit next to you / play on your team, etc. No need to worry about whether that person is “too cool” or “not cool enough,” they’re just a kid. Like you.
8
Learn the difference between keeping secrets and keeping some things to yourself. Never kiss and tell. Err on the side of saying less rather than more.
13, 15, 19
“The more you sweat, the less you bleed.” True in boxing and in life. Put the work in. No shortcuts.
14, 18, 21
You’re going to be okay if your relationship ends. You were a whole person before them and you’ll be a whole person after. - therapy Jeff
15, 21
Work towards your goal. If you screw-up, fix it. The worst thing you could do is give up just because you made a mistake. Nobody’s perfect. Keep going!
14, 19
“Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine.” From short story “The Egg” by Andy Weir
1Infant-21
Toddler years: Tater tots make everything better. The smaller ones cook faster and you don't have to turn them.
2
“God is gentle and loving. He desires you to have a deep sense of safety in His love.” - paraphrasing Henri Nouwen
16
Ask them “what would it take for you to_____?” (Keep your room clean, stay on top of your homework, feel like you had more control in this situation, etc.) Instead of nagging or lecturing, just ask.
13
To my boys: Personally I believe the boy / man should pay when out on a date. Always be prepared to pay - but sometimes a girl / woman wants to pay or split the check. Don’t push back on that. Make sure she knows it would be your pleasure to pay because you want to show her a good time and spoil her, but that you understand that paying a check doesn’t put her in your debt. Instead, your motto should be “If you’re comfortable, I’m comfortable.” And that goes for a lot of categories including sex/ physical contact. And to my girls: Always be prepared to pay, offer to pay often. It’s a sad fact that some men feel they’re owed something if they spring for dinner. On a date you are never obligated to do or say anything you don’t want to. Never.
16, 21
Stay away from anything or anyone that denies or disparages a person’s humanity. (Or a group’s humanity.)
12-21
Once or twice a year my parents would clean all the walls and baseboards in the house. Every time I smell Murphy’s Oil Soap I think of that. They mostly separated work around traditional gender roles but only insofar as that’s what they liked. Mom had no desire to work in the yard, Dad didn’t like to cook (until he got a bread machine for his retirement!) They often worked together on big tasks no matter inside or outside. Teamwork! And clean walls.
21
Sometimes you have to disconnect the “doing” from the “feeling.” Not so much that you’re disconnected from your feelings but that you’re able to tell them to get in the backseat while you take the wheel. It’s a skill. Practice makes you better at it.
12, 16, 19, 21
If you don’t have anything intelligent to say on a subject it’s fine (encouraged) to say nothing. Listen. Learn.
20
Sometimes I think the best way to take care of them is to teach them to take care of others: Littler kids, sick or disabled, those who’ve been left out.
5-7
From our beautiful Grandma Marie: Go easy on the makeup, get serious about skincare. Don’t skimp, use good-quality products on your face and neck. And remember SUNSCREEN on face, neck and hands every day!
16
Avoid the tendency to obsess over someone. It’s not romantic, it’s self-destructive. You’re worth more than that.
13, 15, 17, 19, 21
You think you’re smart now but just wait. Your brain is just getting warmed up. Feed it: books, travel, music, mushrooms.
14, 17, 21