When someone introduces themselves as transgender, it’s no big deal. Simply say “nice to meet you” or “cool.” Then politely ask “What are your pronouns?” And then you know how they prefer to be addressed.


13



“If we could see our prayers we would never stop praying.” - Bunmi Laditan, by way of her angel.


11, 17



Sometimes you’ll be in the wrong side of history. When you discover you’re wrong, move to the right side of history. When I first started training as a nurse it was the early 1990’s. HIV/$@!#% was pretty new. I remember telling my fellow student I would double glove and take any “over the top” precautions I wanted to. That was my fear and ignorance talking. Amazing how cozy self-righteousness makes you feel. I was wrong. Always look at the issue through the lens of humanity.


16, 21



It’s hard to accept that the world can be so cruel and unfair, but sometimes accepting it and focusing on what part of it you CAN change is - I’ve learned - the key.


15



Encourage creativity, science and engineering: Make a craft station / work bench for projects. Fill it with all kinds of art supplies, engineering kits, tools, pegboard, etc. Stock safety equipment like goggles and make sure the area has good lighting. Lots of ideas on Pinterest, etc.


8



1

If you’re unable to help someone, help someone else. Throw some goodness or beauty in the bucket of humanity.


16



Surround yourself with people, places and spaces that feed your spirit. At the very least, avoid those that drain your spirit.


17



To quote Harvard professor Adam Grant: “Argue like you’re right and listen like you’re wrong.”


15



Remember: “C’s get degrees.” Don’t tie yourself in knots over grades.


17, 18



Conflict resolution tip: Are we talking about how we got here, or how we get out of here? Because those are two entirely different conversations.


14, 16, 20



One of the funny/sensitive things about puberty is that kids can be the same age chronologically while being wildly varied in terms of development. Kid might be 6 feet tall in seventh grade or be a senior in high school and still not shaving. Everyone is self conscious, praying to avoid embarrassment. It’s all just part of growing up. Be kind to yourself and to your equally mortified peers.


11, 12, 13



Addiction is when you can’t get through the day without something. It’s not that you need to feel high, it’s that you can’t live without what gets you high. Humans are all wired to be at risk for addiction


13, 15, 18, 20



Bedtime often goes to sh*t in a hurry because kids are tired and parents are out of patience. Be kind. If your kids are anything like you, they’ll need extra tenderness at bedtime: cuddles, soft words, prayers. Forgiveness for the ridiculous tantrums over silly stuff. Take pity on them, their little bodies are tired and they haven’t learned how to function on empty.


1-4



Teach them what to do if they hit an animal while driving on the road. (First find out what you’re supposed to do, THEN teach them.)


16



Long before I was old enough to decide what I wanted my life to be about, I was set on a path of other’s choosing: marriage, kids, Catholic. I took that assignment to heart. Focused like a laser beam. Ironically, I believe that it’s because marriage and a conventional family was my prime directive that I ended up becoming roadkill on that path. My point is twofold: don’t let me or anyone else tell you what your life should look like. Maybe college isn’t for you, maybe marriage isn’t something that appeals to you, maybe it is! Keep exploring until you find a direction that fits your own values and priorities. As long as you’re paying your bills and you’re not hurting anyone including yourself, knock yourself out! Go wild! Do whatever feels right. And if you don’t know where you want to be, go where you’re needed to start with. I love you forever no matter what you do.


17, 21



Stay put, don’t wonder if lost when we hike.


2, 3, 5



Don’t stay down too long.


16, 19, 21



Like Cindy Crawford said, "I eat anything I want … I just don't eat as much as I want." Be mindful of portions. No need to eliminate the junk food but keep it to a minimum.


17, 21



Teach them how to eat a chicken wing in one bite


12



Stand up (or sit up) straight in photos. Don’t slouch or lean. (You can touch or be close but don’t lean in.)


12, 14, 21



If I’m lucky enough to make it to your wedding, I want to dance to Eddie Vedder’s cover of Song of Good Hope by Glen Handsard.


21



There’s an art to speaking harsh truths in a delicate way. There’s an art in describing a ridiculous person or thing without being insulting. Mark Twain was a master at it. Read up!


17, 21



Marriage tip: King sized blanket on Queen size bed.


21



Golf lessons. Grampa loved golf, if he were here he would have taught you himself.


9



You don’t have to choose to be single forever to enjoy being single for now.


17, 21



It’s your civic duty to vote (including midterms!) Be an informed voter.


16, 18



Make a deal: flying lessons IF he takes dancing lessons. A man has got to know how to dance! In fact, tack on some other prerequisites like good grades and responsible behavior


16



Remember this blessing. You are whole. You are lacking nothing. There is nothing that you must achieve, accomplish, or earn. There is no station of graduate, or married, or children, or partner, or famous, or 120 pounds, or, you know, 4% body fat. There is nothing that you must earn, attain, or accomplish to prove your worthiness. You will learn and grow and change. That's part of being human. But there is nothing about you, there is nothing about your worth that is different on any day of your life. No matter what, no matter when, you are precious, and you are whole. You are safe. You are sound. You are secure.


10, 14, 18, 21



On September 11th I was at work in Fairfax VA. News reports were saying a plane was headed to the Capitol, that the Whitehouse had been hit. In the immediate aftermath of a big event, news reports will be unreliable. Wait until the facts are in. Several of the nurses had husbands who worked at the Pentagon. One of the doctors was married to a U.S. Senator in her office on the Hill. It was surreal, but no one panicked. I remember we all burst into tears when my friend’s husband called saying he was safe. So relieved.


15, 17