We do what we do and feel how we feel because we think what we think. Our thoughts are so powerful. Let’s take each one captive today and be sure they’re the kind of thoughts we want guiding and influencing the way we live our lives.” -Lysa TerKeurst


14



A wise friend once told me that the kids will do as well as you do. You can’t be a good parent if you’re a miserable person. Do what you need to do to stay healthy and sane.


1, 5, 15, 21



Focus on the lesson not the pain.


14, 21



Resentment is a sign you are giving too much and are in need of replenishment. It’s a good example of how even the “negative” emotions are on your side, interpreting your experience in the world.


16, 18, 21



Let’s talk about hungry kids. What can we do to help? Donate? Volunteer? Start a Little Free Pantry?


7-12



They’re gonna be pretty mean to you for a few years. Love them, if only to spite them! (ha ha)


11. 12, 13



You never know what people are going through. Depression, PTSD, anxiety could look like avoidance, anger, risk-taking, promiscuity, etc. Look out for friends, coworkers and loved ones who may be in pain. You don’t need to solve their problem, just allow for the possibility that they’re going through something. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt and not write off “bad” behavior as a character flaw. Offer a non-judgmental ear.


15, 20



“Write hard and clear about what hurts.” - Ernest Hemingway


12, 15, 21



Keep difficult conversations brief. Under ten minutes then table it so everyone can process.


13, 14, 16. 19, 21



Check your ego and question your motives. Are you in it for the right reasons or because of how it would look if you weren’t? Do you feel like you need to be a hero or the smartest one in the room? If the answer is yes I would strongly recommend that you get right with yourself.


13, 16, 19, 21



Octavia Butler’s “Parable of the Sower.”


14



This Coda is my creation. It’s what I wanted to accomplish as a parent. What you do with it is entirely up to you. I hope you never feel like you have to do the same. Make your own way. Make yourself proud. If you’re happy, I’m happy.


21



“Pain that is not transformed is transmitted.” Fr. Richard Rohr


14



Make a Shutterfly book for each year and give it to them on their birthday.


5-18



“Remember Divas and Friends, if you don’t think good things about yourself, how do you expect anybody else to?” - Sheryl Lee Ralph


11, 12. 14. 16, 17, 19, 21



Don’t be a dick.


21



Beware of people that try and rial you up. Who benefits from what they’re saying? Are they trying to sell you something? Are they trying to scare you or appealing to other base emotions or prejudice? Are they qualified on the subject, or do they just have an opinion? Plenty of good, smart people get radicalized


13, 17, 21



Try using “No doesn’t tell me your needs” when toddler / little kid disobeys. “Were you trying to be funny? Do you need a minute?”


3



Remember that whoever you’re grieving would only want the best for you.


20



Listen to books of love letters. I forget the title but one of the Bush twins wrote a book about her grandparents (George and Barbara). Stories about real love, real life. Fiction is great too but having a real world examples of happy partnerships is gold.


18



Remember: “C’s get degrees.” Don’t tie yourself in knots over grades.


17, 18



Some people have more money than sense. Just because u can afford something doesn’t mean you should buy it.


15



Someone I admire is __________. Talk about someone you admire and why. Ask them to do the same. Do this often as you can. Reticket through age 18.


4



“I need help. But I don’t know what I need help with. Could you ask me a few questions and help me figure it out?” Keep this one in your back pocket.


5, 7, 11, 13, 16, 19, 21



It’s best not to cuss but writing bad words is even worse than speaking them. Even in casual texting, etc. Always an asterisk in place of a vowel to avoid being rude.


16



Paradoxical Commandments by Kent Keith.


19



Sometimes big stuff happens. Big good, big bad, big change. It will take some time to adjust. Maybe a month, a season, a semester or maybe a year or longer. Gear up. Psych yourself up for a difficult day/month/year. You can do this. Stay present, don’t get ahead of yourself or get bogged down in what’s done. “What if?” and “if-only’s” are not your friends. Be good to yourself and be good to others. Rest, nourish, create, have fun and keep the faith.


15, 21



Don’t worry about finding your person. Focus on finding your people.


15, 21



Become habitual about doing that which makes you feel good and yourself and fulfilled. If it’s running, make running a habit and dedicate time for it.


16, 21