Sometimes you can be so angry you don’t know what to do with yourself. It’s like being forced to keep your hand on a hot stove, trying to get through one minute at a time, one even one breath at a time. But there’s no need to white-knuckle it. The rage you feel is demanding to be acknowledged and validated. It needs to be processed, not ignored, stuffed down inside. A short list of some outlets for rage that’s begging to be heard are: art, music, physical activity, time in nature, anything creative or expressive. Baking, writing, improv, storytelling, stand up. Maybe try challenging yourself to do something difficult, something doable but you would have never thought you could do, like run a marathon, etc. Literally talk to the rage. Name it. Is it male or female? Young or old? Is it human or animal or alien, etc? Giving Rage a name, say for example Helen. Helen is a straight-up terrifying 8th grader. She has a few things she’d like to unload about. Dialog it in your head. And when you’ve heard her out, Helen will leave peacefully, if not painlessly. What do you do with yourself when the rage is gone? Give yourself permission to start over. Always remember I love you. xoxo
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21
Songs hit so much different (better) when you read the lyrics while listening. Headphones help heighten the experience too.
12, 14, 19, 21
Talk about what patterns of abuse look like. Teach them to recognize red flags like love-bombing, isolating from friends and family, controlling behavior and threats of violence and/or self-harm.
14, 16, 20, 21
Imagine hearing the apology you need to hear. Often times that really helps, even if the person never actually says it. It makes it easier to forgive and move on.
18
An album is like a book, meant to be taken as a whole. It tells a story, has its own vibe. Let’s listen to an album together every week.
12
Two rules: First, don’t be a sh!tty person. 2. Try to have some fun. Everything else is just “whatever.”
13, 21
Men worry about getting laughed at or rejected by a woman. Women worry about getting killed when they reject a man. Let that sink in.
15, 21
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they feel loved by you. Meet the kids where they are.
2, 9, 21
When you meet someone for the first time try to clear your mind of any assumptions about physical appearance. Race, gender, age, handicap/disability, etc.
17, 21
There’s a lot of virtue to the “Let them” theory of parenting. It’s their life. Drop out of school? Not what I would want, but as long as I’ve had my say, the decision is theirs to make. The mess will be theirs too, but that’s just life. Stop trying to control everyone and everything. Give yourself and everyone else a break and as long as it’s nothing harmful, let them. Don’t try to bend them to your will, and keep your opinions to yourself.
12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18
Colin Powell’s 13 rules: 1. It ain't as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning. 2. Get mad, then get over it. 3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it. 4. It can be done. 5. Be careful what you choose. You may get it. 6. Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision. 7. You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours. 8. Check small things. 9. Share credit. 10. Remain calm. Be kind. 11. Have a vision. Be demanding. 12. Don't take counsel of your fears or naysayers. 13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.
11, 14, 18
Set up a 529 plan. Virginia has a great plan if you don't want to do too much research https://www.savingforcollege.com/
birth-age 3
Play up your strengths. What are your strengths? What are you really good at or love doing?
13, 17, 21
School shootings are a result of blind rage and complete hopelessness. First, ban the f*cking guns. But we need to teach our kids how to handle big emotions. To expect them, how learning to navigate them is like learning to fly an F16. It will be tough, yes but you will learn how to fly expertly, safely, and with your own style and flair.
12-15
Read poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver. (“...You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves...”)
17
Don't say anything out loud that you wouldn't want repeated or overheard. Don't email / text, etc. anything that you wouldn't want forwarded.
11-15
Never post a pic to social media that you wouldn't want Grandma to see. NEVER send or ask to receive naked pictures. It's tacky, gross, illegal and not worth it. Even if "everyone does it". It's rude and disrespectful.
11-13, 18
Here’s something I wish wasn’t true but is: Looks matter. This is true for anyone but 100x more so for a woman. Take care of yourself. Stay in good shape, eat well, wear sunscreen, dress well and be well-groomed. It shouldn’t matter but it does. (But try not to judge other people by their appearance- Often times the very best people (friends, spouses, job applicants, etc.) don’t look like movie stars. Far from it!) Yes, looks matter but I hope you value true beauty more.
12, 19
Google earth app means there's always a globe at hand. Point out states, countries or oceans when we hear about them.
4-9
“You matter to me.” Is a beautiful way to express your feelings when a relationship is new.
15, 17, 21
Before you quit your job - or leave your spouse, etc. consider that you may be suffering from anxiety or depression. We sometimes attribute outside things (or people) as the cause of feeling desperate for change. But sometimes it’s just that our brains are fogged with anxiety or depression. Help is life- changing.
21