"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read." ~ James Baldwin
14, 19
I hope you never abandon yourself to be loved or accepted by someone else. They’re not getting the real you and you’re missing out on the experience of being loved and accepted just as you are.
16,21
On days when you wake up tired, sick or just not ready to deal with the morning, just get up and take a shower. Turn up the music. Rally!
17-21
Pedestrians get hit all the time. Be aware when you’re driving OR walking. Wear reflective gear if walking at night. Stay off your phone when driving OR walking.
15
Puberty is like putting a 12 year old in the pilot seat of a fighter jet. A total sh*t show at first, then better but still erratic and dramatic until they really get a feel for the speed and the pressure, the gauges, etc. They’ll learn when to question or to trust their instincts. Tell him that he’ll fly this jet for the rest of his life and it will always be dangerous because it’s an effing jet, but he will learn how to fly it expertly. He’ll do good, have fun, accomplish missions and refuel.
12
Watch The Last Lecture before school starts on a pivotal year, like middle school, high school.
11, 12, 13, 14, 15
Connect with people however you can, in whatever way feels natural to you: Talk, listen, perform, compete, create, laugh, pray, explore, share your truth, acknowledge the divine in yourself and in everyone you meet.
16, 21
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they feel loved by you. Meet the kids where they are.
2, 9, 21
Never make someone feel bad for liking something. Not your kids, your friends or colleagues. Joy is a beautiful thing. Cherish it in yourself and in others.
8, 9, 12
Your life is way bigger than one relationship. Or one grade, or one job, or one choice, or one event, or one gift. Make room for all of it even when some of it will most certainly hurt.
17
The problems with pornography: When you’re young and have yet formed a basis for healthy and mutually satisfying sexual relationships, your brain doesn’t know what to do with that input. It becomes part of your brain, imprinted as normal or the way sex should be. When you’re older, the brain can see something that’s outrageous and recognize it and discard it. Also it’s incredibly misogynistic, will do horrible things for the way you see women. While some is fairly harmless and totally normal, even too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Too much of a bad thing is disastrous.
11, 12, 13, 14, 15
Stop before you descend too far into the pain. Let yourself be loved. Rest. Eat. Shower. Breath. Sweat. Sing.
10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 19, 21
Try using “No doesn’t tell me your needs” when toddler / little kid disobeys. “Were you trying to be funny? Do you need a minute?”
3
You have to be in a good place to be able to make good choices. If you’re run-down, sick, grieving, addicted or in a really bad relationship, etc. you won’t be able to make healthy choices. It’s a catch 22 I know. My point is that you have to take care of yourself (or get help) so you can be in a position to make healthy, good choices.
17, 21
“There’s a hole in the side of a boat. It can’t be fixed, it’s never going away, and you can’t get a new boat. This is your boat. What u have to do is bail water out faster than it’s coming in.” -Aaron Sorkin (Newsroom season 3 episode 6.)
17, 21
Figure out a way to teach the concept of zero-sum game vs. how giving and sharing actually compounds love and goodness. Someone else getting a fair shake, or attention from someone you like, or well-earned rewards or recognition does not take away from us. Celebrate those victories and encourage others to reach for more instead of jealously guarding what you have.
8-12
Talk about “don’t judge a book by its cover.” People come in all shapes, sizes, appearances. “Clean cut” is an outdated and misleading notion. Be open to who people are on the inside, they’re pretty amazing if you give the a chance.
9
Find one or two scary documentaries on the dangers of gambling. Watch together. Betting on sports is a big thing in some schools and I want to scare the $@!#% out of him about how bad gambling can screw up his life. Check online tools from gamblers anonymous.
15