You are always responsible for how you act, no matter what you’re feeling. (Or whether you’re drunk or in any way impaired.) Hammer this point home for the next 10 years!
13
Institute a “leave by” time instead of a curfew. That way they won’t panic / speed if something out of their control happens to make them late. “Leave Riley’s house by 10pm.”
13
My love for you will never run out - neither will God’s love / patience run out. I will always instruct, discipline and give consequences for bad behavior- because it’s my job to teach you. But there’s nothing you could do to lose my love. Remind them daily.
5-20
Have dinner guests sign the under side of the dining room table. Let the kids’ friends sign too - or have their own version of a guestbook - the inside of a cabinet or the basement door, etc.
5, 12-14
Before heading out for a good time, make a mental note on the ways you could wreck or end your life if bad stuff happened: Sick/hurt/dead from alcohol or drugs, unintended pregnancy, or being raped (or being charged with rape.) What do u have to do to protect yourself and keep things from going from good times to life-changing nightmare. Keep your wits about ya. And look out for your friends too.
15, 17, 18, 19, 21
I’ve been trying to retrain my brain to deal with anxiety in healthy ways. It’s SO hard when these connections were fused decades ago. BUT I REFUSE to be a party to YOU laying down those same unhealthy neurological pathways. I’ll teach you better ways to handle stress and anxiety. Exercise/ Music/ warm showers/ creativity/ rest/ journaling/ meditation... WHATEVER! I promise to Somehow teach you what I never learned.
5-10, 14
With toddlers (or teens), first acknowledge the emotion. Then deal with the behavior. Validate their feelings. Once everyone is calm, address the behavior and discuss consequences if appropriate.
2, 13, 17
Find what you love Do what you love Be what you love Live what you love Love what you love and never look back ... Except to love.
19
Research says working with your hands is good for your mind and spirit. Even if it’s just folding laundry or doing yard work. Let’s find a hobby u might like working with your hands.
12
Procrastinating is an Olympic sport for those of us with ADHD. Talk about ways to get “unstuck.” 1. Change your body - move to a different room or take a walk. 2. If you can’t move your body, move your focus. 3. Ask your brain how it’s trying to help you by paralyzing you. 4. Take deep breaths and let go of the shame and self-doubt you feel for getting stuck.
8, 9, 10, 14, 21
Never take friendships for granted. Show up. Reach out. Be there when they need you. Friends are gifts; tend to those relationships with love.
15, 20
Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation. (That said, when anyone asks if that outfit makes them look fat, the answer is “you look perfect.”)
20
“God is gentle and loving. He desires you to have a deep sense of safety in His love.” - paraphrasing Henri Nouwen
16
Life is for the living. It’s okay to move on. It’s okay to laugh and dream, work, to party, to rest rest, etc. you honor the dead by living your life. Everyone meets up in the end anyway!
19, 21
Show them a picture of a riptide and explain about swimming parallel to the shore instead of fighting it. Google Outer Banks NC green fluorescent dye in riptide.
9-15
You will never have to hustle for your self-worth. You are worthy of love and respect simply because you exist. Same goes for every other human.
16
Every time your heart breaks, your vision gets better. You appreciate beauty and recognize and respond to others’ pain better.
12, 15, 18, 21
“You don’t emerge from $@!#% empty-handed” a friend once told me. Even the worst periods of your life will bring gifts. Be thankful for those gifts, and enjoy them.
19
Watch The Last Lecture before school starts on a pivotal year, like middle school, high school.
11, 12, 13, 14, 15
I don’t buy Mallomars. But Santa does. Another Christmas stocking tradition is chicken flickin. Rubber chickens you shoot like rubber bands.
5, 21
Promise me you’ll never intentionally hurt anyone (including yourself.) There’s no need to suffer in silence, I will help you or get you to someone who can help you no matter what, no matter when, no matter why.
13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18