One of the most difficult things in life will be to embrace difficult and unfamiliar ways in order to grow or heal. But doing so is the only way we can grow or heal. You can do hard things. Breathe deep and take it by moment if you have to.
On marriage: Your spouse will change. You will change. Some for the better, some parts for the worse.
Tastes, plans, health, body shape, education, needs, beliefs... all change throughout our lives. It’s growth. (It’s also decay!)
Support each other through both.
Encourage each other to be true to yourselves. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be kind. Pray for each other. Have fun together. Keep learning about each other. Be your partner’s biggest fan.
Start the tradition of First Sunday dinners. On the first Sunday of the month, have a "mini-holiday" dinner. Invite family, friends. Use the nice dishes, make a big meal. Celebrate family.
Talk about what patterns of abuse look like. Teach them to recognize red flags like love-bombing, isolating from friends and family, controlling behavior and threats of violence and/or self-harm.
If it’s the right thing, if something needs to be done…
Make yourself do it.
You’re never going to “feel like it.”
Practice daily with things big and / or small without complaining.
Talk about how choices become habits. Habits can become addictions. Describe how pathways are literally dug into the brain and it's very hard to change them once those paths are made.
A wise friend once told me "Don't dump grace down the drain." Respond to nudges: Speak up even if you're afraid, reach out to someone who's hurting, forgive someone (or yourself.) God is so good and so generous...accept his gifts.
You can’t selectively numb feelings. The inclination to drink, use, shop, gamble, etc. is real but it’s a lie that it will make you feel better. Numbing makes this much, much worse. So feel! The good, the bad, the scary. Talk about your feelings, write about them or create something from your feelings. This is how to process in a healthy way.
Tragedy may occur in your life, but it does not need to define your life. YOU get to do that...through the choices you make. _______I know you’ll make good ones. xo