Staying calm while under pressure or when you could scream in frustration - that is most of the battle. Sometimes the fact that you stayed calm qualifies as a win.
I stopped worrying about you by the time you were seven. (I’m not talking about your safety and health, that I’ll always worry about!) But I knew you were a joyful, generous, kind, smart and well-mannered person. You were a great friend, supportive and fun. You would be a good partner, and would contribute so much good to society. I could see you had a curious mind, an active imagination and more than a healthy dose of courage.
Even when something’s not the right fit (job interview, blind date, audition, etc.) you’re still making connections. You never know what could happen, so stay engaged and be yourself. Maybe that blind date who’s not into you has a friend who might be. Maybe that casting director will call you for a totally different role. Chin up! Ride the positive vibes you put out into the universe.
I did my best to guide you, but I’m sure there are many areas where my take is just not aligned with yours. That’s okay! Bunny please don’t feel any obligation to believe what I believe or take any advice, or continue any tradition mentioned in this Coda.
If they’re not doing anything dangerous, illegal or immoral, let them be. Give them space and independence. (Just first define dangerous/ illegal/ immoral. Then remind them that you are here and would love to hear about anything they want to share.)
One of the most important things I can teach you is to help you learn how to deal with big feelings without resorting to destructive behavior or violence. Everyone on the planet will experience loss, disappointment, grief, heartbreak, betrayal, etc. Tools to deal with these feelings: counseling, journaling, art, music, exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, yoga, being in nature, talking with friends, joining a support group, movement like dancing or skating, singing, acting, anthropomorphic dialogue with your emotions, naming your emotions and describe how they physically feel in your body. Asking the emotion what it needs you to know.
Teach your pets they can trust you. Take care of them. Treat them with tenderness. Teach them how to behave. (Unless it's a cat. You can't teach cats anything.)
Sex isn’t something you “score.” It’s not a competition. Whether the encounter is casual or within a committed relationship it’s something that is shared.
Be discerning about your sources of information. Some red flags: Too good to be true. Get rich quick. Chosen race. Any race or group blamed for societal problems. Fear of change. Threats of real or metaphysical harm (I.e. $@!#%) or bribes with reward.
Resource: the website Ask, Listen and Learn has great material about how to start a conversation about the dangers of under-age drinking. asklistenlearn.org
Like Cindy Crawford said, "I eat anything I want … I just don't eat as much as I want." Be mindful of portions. No need to eliminate the junk food but keep it to a minimum.
You are always responsible for how you act, no matter what you’re feeling. (Or whether you’re drunk or in any way impaired.)
Hammer this point home for the next 10 years!