Our nervous systems are just trying to keep us safe. If you were thrown into fight/flight/fawn today, give yourself some grace.
14, 21
You are always responsible for how you act, no matter what you’re feeling. (Or whether you’re drunk or in any way impaired.) Hammer this point home for the next 10 years!
13
I stopped worrying about you by the time you were seven. (I’m not talking about your safety and health, that I’ll always worry about!) But I knew you were a joyful, generous, kind, smart and well-mannered person. You were a great friend, supportive and fun. You would be a good partner, and would contribute so much good to society. I could see you had a curious mind, an active imagination and more than a healthy dose of courage.
15, 21
“When you are not fed love off a silver spoon you will learn to lick it off of knives.” Lauren Eden (poet)
0, 20
Show up. Be there when people are counting on you. Be at the celebrations and the funerals. Be at work and school when you're supposed to be.
12-19
You were THREE years old when you caught sight of a half-dressed beautiful woman. You didn’t have much of a vocabulary yet but when your eyes got wide and you said “BAM BAM” I knew exactly what you meant. (Woman was Jessica Biel in an Adam Sandler movie.)
14, 21
Be respectful with regard to how you treat girls:. How you talk to them, how you talk about them, and even how you think about them.
11-14
The version of you that will handle whatever problem comes your way will be born into existence in the moment when it happens. Trust your future self to handle future challenges.
12, 15, 21
Surprise! You’re not perfect. No one is. Do your best, but don’t expect perfection from yourself or any other human, young or old. Have compassion...We’re all in this together and we need each other to be kind and encouraging.
17, 21
If baby / toddler is melting down, put them in the bathtub or bring them outside. A change in temperature will calm them.
Infant-4
The Buddhists say “life is suffering.” I think struggle might be a better word. Struggle is unavoidable, and it would do us good to stop expecting otherwise. And yes, everybody experiences pain and loss, etc. but I don’t believe we should expect our lives to be full of suffering.
17, 21
Don't say anything out loud that you wouldn't want repeated or overheard. Don't email / text, etc. anything that you wouldn't want forwarded.
11-15
Have the first of many talks about what consent means. Tell them (boys AND girls) that consent needs to be informed, enthusiastic, sober, ongoing and freely given. Stress that, in no uncertain terms, the absence of consent is rape. Discuss the legal, moral and emotional consequences.
12
When something is upsetting you...Name it...Take a deep breath...Imagine holding it gently in your hands. (This is a reminder to use this visualization myself and to teach it to you. I want to give you as many tools as I can to help you learn to cope with negative emotions in a healthy way.)
11
Knowing something is right and application of it are two different things. To apply yourself takes discipline. Practice it.
15
Your sex life should be safe, happy, healthy and consensual. It may or may include going all the way. There’s no rush, every relationship is different. You should feel safe and so should your partner. A lot will be a mystery but you should feel safe. You should be able to trust that your partner won’t intentionally hurt you, emotionally or physically. If you don’t trust your partner to keep you safe, get out.
17