Things are rarely black and white. Most situations (and all people) are complex. A nuanced approach is necessary to understand them. You can’t learn - or love, if you’re judging.
17
Great article on how to explain that bodies AND brains are undergoing rapid changes during adolescence. Re-read and then chat! https://www.upworthy.com/amp/this-mother-s-description-of-her-tween-son-s-brain-is-a-must-read-for-all-parents?c=ufb1
10
Look for examples of people who have dealt with loss without giving in to bitterness. What do they have in common?
17
You can’t grow in faith (or character or friendships) without learning to be humble. To forgive. To listen without agenda. To allow for the possibility you may be in the wrong. Ask for help. God will give it.
16
Start explaining wants vs. needs. Continue explaining for the next 30 years. We don’t always get what we want. That’s okay. 4 year olds can begin to understand this.
4
Sometimes there’s nothing else to do with the pain except to use it to build a new life.
13. 17, 19, 21
That trope “everything happens for a reason” is, I think, b.s. But I absolutely agree that you can find meaning in anything good or bad.
17
“Be curious. Read. Use the latest tools available to you.” - Bill Gates when asked for his advice to young people in the dawn of AI era.
12, 14, 16, 18
Start “home economics” school with them. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, how to change a diaper, comfort a baby, soothe a toddler, what's involved in caring for pets, budgeting for food, keeping track of maintenance schedules for humans, pets, cars and machines. Engage with guests, be a good host, etc. Know when and how to tell someone to GTFO of the house (racist or misogynistic speech, etc.) Every kid needs to learn the art and science of home management. Look for and point out examples in books and movies of good home science skills.
5, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 21
Family & Home
Character, Education & Self-Reliance
Sports, Health, Safety & Appearance
Arts, Literature & Self Expression
Science, Technology, Skills & General Knowledge
Fun, Adventure & Travel
Faith & Philosophy
Finances
Nature, Animals & the Environment
Social Justice, Civics & Humanitarianism
Relationships & Career
Choose to love despite the rage. See poem by Lucas Jones “ I Will Teach My Sons to be Dangerous Men.”
12, 14, 16, 19, 21
Your spouse will be absolutely unbearable roughly 10% of the time. So will you be, by the way. Give grace. Receive it too. Also, physical distance helps, even for a few hours.
21
Major regret: focusing too much on being liked (or loved.) You can’t *make* anyone love you. Some people just won’t like you… that’s okay. Make yourself proud. Do YOUR thing. Spend time on what matters to you.
14, 21
Self-care is active not passive. (Zoning-out on the couch or sleeping all day isn’t self-care.)
13, 15
We can disagree with people and still be respectful of them. (When what they espouse is something that hurts people, that’s where you can draw the line.)
16
A wise friend once told me that the kids will do as well as you do. You can’t be a good parent if you’re a miserable person. Do what you need to do to stay healthy and sane.
1, 5, 15, 21
You can get into big trouble (with school and the law) even by fake / joke threats of violence (bomb threat, etc.) No jokes or pranks that have anything to do with violence.
11
When something is upsetting you...Name it...Take a deep breath...Imagine holding it gently in your hands. (This is a reminder to use this visualization myself and to teach it to you. I want to give you as many tools as I can to help you learn to cope with negative emotions in a healthy way.)
11
The Buddhists say “life is suffering.” I think struggle might be a better word. Struggle is unavoidable, and it would do us good to stop expecting otherwise. And yes, everybody experiences pain and loss, etc. but I don’t believe we should expect our lives to be full of suffering.
17, 21
Be mindful of avoiding the “race to nowhere.” No sense in stressing over school and work. We get one life!! LIVE it! Work hard at what you love. There will be seasons of busting your butt, and that’s good. Just make sure it’s in pursuit of something you’re passionate about. And I hope you take seasons of rest, too. Time to recharge, reflect and decide what’s next for you.
14, 16, 18, 21